Kirsti Knits

Time - such a precious Gift is it; To work, to read, and Yes, to knit. - Minnie Gertz

Thursday, May 18, 2006

An explanation

I've really neglected this blog over the past 2 months or so ... there is a reason why. I try to keep my posts on here mostly knitting focused, and not go into huge personal stuff, as that really isn't what I intended this blog for. But I figured I owed at least a brief post saying what's been going on.

Since mid-March, I've been having severe panic attacks that left me unable to get into work. All my old "don't tell, don't reach out for help" coping kicked in, so I pretended to the rest of the world that everything was fine, while the idea of even contacting my boss would leave me shaky, unable to breathe, sweating etc etc. Not good. And the end result was that I was fired on May 2nd.

This threw everything into turmoil, but has also had some really positive consequences. Firstly, I had to tell Terry what was going on - and she's been just amazing. Wonderful. The best partner I could have ever wanted. The fact that I was even too afraid to tell her what was going on is an indication of how skewed my perception of the world had got. Talking to my friends and family made me realise what an exceptional support network I have, and need to use.

Secondly: I'm now getting help from a variety of sources to deal with both the panic and the underlying stuff that triggered all this, and stopped me from getting the help I needed. I've put in an appeal to my job asking that my absence be taken as medical leave under the FMLA, and my termination be revoked. I don't know how long university bureaucracy will take to handle this; it's been a week so far, and nothing.

I guess that's the administrative system for you. But I have been knitting and have a bunch of pics to upload. My finished sockapalooza socks were sent off (and my pal left a lovely comment in my last blog entry). I received my own pair and they are just wonderful - I'm truly in awe of the construction and even tension and knitting technique. I've also started on an Aran cable sweater for my friend Gregg, and am halfway up the back. Plus today, because I wanted a change, I cast on for another pair of Broadripple socks in purple.

So now I've got all this out ... I'll make room for photos and stuff as soon as I can.

At 6:23 PM, Blogger Dixie said...

Kirsti, I'm so sorry you've been through so much lately but I'm glad you've been getting the help and support you need and that you've got some positive alternatives in the works. You've got my good wishes and prayers.

I've really missed you!

At 7:37 PM, Anonymous Marie said...

It sounds like you have an excellent plan and I bet everything will work out for the best. We're all pulling for you!

At 9:17 PM, Blogger Jerry & Maxy said...

Good for you for asking for the help you need! And it sounds as though you have a good plan towards your long-term goals - HURRAY!

Good luck! heart from one therapist/counselor to Kirsti the therapist/counselor-in-process

At 12:01 AM, Blogger Katherine said...

Oh Kirsti, I've been there and I'm so happy you have such a great support system and are getting the help you need. I've really missed your posts and I'm so looking forward to your photos! Hang in there girlfriend, there's only one way and that's up! My "ears" are here if you need. (((hug)))

At 11:10 PM, Blogger Kathy said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles, Kirsti. I'm glad you're getting help. Good luck to you. {{{Kirsti}}}

At 11:35 AM, Blogger Jennifer said...

Kirsti, I can totally relate to the panic attacks and the effect that they have on our lives. I've been receiving treatment for them for the past year, too, and they really suck. I'm glad to hear that you are doing better and getting the help you need. I'm also very happy to hear that you have such a supportive partner and network of friends and family. :) Feel better and know that you can always call/email me if you want to say hello. Hugs,

At 3:27 PM, Blogger Larjmarj said...

Kirsti, glad to see you're back and on your way. Good luck with the university, hope it all works out. Marj

At 4:57 PM, Blogger Janette said...

Everything happens for a reason. I'm such a firm believer in that. Keep your chin up and good for you for reaching out for help. That's always the hardest part.

At 12:03 AM, Blogger GaiaGal said...


Oh, i'm so glad that i clicked over to see if you've posted! I've missed you!

Wow, you've sure been through a lot! Hang in there and remember to take one day at a time, you're human and that's all anyone can expect of you.

I'm so very happy to know that Terry and the rest of your family has all been supportive of you, remember to talk to them when you need to.

I'm sending hugs and bright thoughts your way. Can't wait to see knitting pics!!


At 11:09 AM, Blogger roxy ^-o-^ said...

Kirsti love, I am so glad you are on point with what YOU need. God tests us in many ways (I know this for a fact esp. this week!!!!) and surrounds us with people who care. Terry sounds wonderful and you have friends who are wishing for nothing but the best and always offering up a hug and a me! :)

xo Anne

At 4:24 PM, Blogger Jackie said...


I have found my blog to be wonderful therapy for me..and realized that I have some great blogger friends and support! I will pray you either get your job back or get a better one!

So glad you are back!!!!!!!

Love and HUgs,

At 7:49 PM, Blogger Valerie said...

I've been a lurker on your blog.. but now want to say, never think you're alone with this one. I have a good friend going through same thing right now. It is real, and very tough, but it will eventually get better. Best of luck getting them to retro the FMLA — really, they SHOULD — and good luck as you slowly get back in the groove. You have a lot to be proud of here.

At 11:15 PM, Blogger choomon said...

I am so sorry Kirsti :( I'm glad you've gotten some help, though, and are doing better. I occasionally get panic attacks- they're no fun.

At 4:17 PM, Blogger Nit One Perl Two said...

I am so happy I found your site. It appears we have more in common than knitting! I'll let you know when I complete the "world renound" triple lindee patern!

At 8:55 PM, Blogger enallagma9 said...

Hey, Kirsti, just hoping you're hanging in there,

- from one of the Boston Magnificant Seven


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